Tag Archives: new me

I’M BACK! and ready for the new year!

8 Jan

Hello everyone!!!!

I am SO sorry that I disappeared for so long. There were a lot of things that happened since September and I could not find the energy to get on here. My boyfriend of almost two years broke up with me completely out of nowhere in October. I truly believed that I was going to marry this man…and we had talked about our future many times. He told me he was planning on proposing within a year. Needless to say, this came as a shock. I was devastated, embarrassed, and heartbroken. I had to believe that God had a plan, but accepting this was very scary. Three months later, and looking back on our relationship, I realized that this was bound to happen. He was a personal trainer, I was a girl who used to be overweight and who still had insecurity/body image issues, and now I truly believe our relationship wasn’t healthy. There was the constant pressure of looking the part of “the trainers girlfriend.” I was so worried that if I had over 12% body fat he would not accept me. There were constant fights of not wanting to go to the gym, not wanting to eat out, and not wanting to drink. There were many times where I felt that he was just my trainer and not my boyfriend. However, him leaving me completely rocked my world. I no longer had a gym partner, I no longer had someone to talk to about my insecurities, and I started to become even more insecure and think that maybe I really wasn’t good enough for him….or for anyone.

Through talking with aunt, who knew my boyfriend from day one, I began to realize that I am good enough. She helped me point out the red flags and make me see that there is more to me than having a flat stomach and being the girl that lost 100 pounds. She made me realize that the right man, the man God intended me to be with, will love me for ALL of me. For my stretch marks, for my love handles, for my loose skin, and for my boobs or lack there of. She made me realize that I am worth SO MUCH MORE. And that NO girl should be made to feel that way. I would be lieing if I said that I didn’t miss him. We had great moments in our relationship. However, I think I miss the idea of what he could have been more than what he actually was. I am glad that he came into my life, because for the first time I am realizing that I need to learn to love MYSELF.

Ever since I lost my weight, I really have never been single. I would go from one relationship to the next. I truly believe it is because I wanted that guy attention, I wanted to feel that someone wanted me, because when I was overweight…..I never felt wanted. However, not I know that I really need to focus on me. It is my time. I need to appreciate all of my flaws and not expect a man to fill that void. God has made me in his image and likeness. And I am his masterpiece. I have realized that I need to learn to be alone, to feel the hurt, and to feel the anxiety and the insecurities.

Through all of this….good things happened as well! I graduated from college and now have a Bachelor’s degree in Social Work! I have officially been accepted to The University of Pittsburgh’s Social Work Master’s program and will being in the fall! I am going to become certified to be a school social worker 🙂 Also, I am flying to Chicago TOMORROW to become a Weight Watchers Leader!

I am accepting everyday that it is time for me to focus on me. To enjoy the single life. To learn to be alone and to let God lead me where he wants me to go. Everyday it hurts…But everyday it hurts a little less too.

I am so excited to be back with you guys! I will post about how leader training went this weekend!
Here’s to 2014….A new year. A new me! 🙂
God bless xoxo M 236 Fine